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As a Chi, your sense of sexuality is driven
largely by the need to understand your body as well as that of your
sexual partner. Your sexual awareness is particularly high, though your
sex appeal and sexual confidence are a bit lower.
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| E |
As an E you tend to focus more on an emotional connection to your partner during sex. |
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As a T you tend to be an affectionate lover — using touch to enhance the experience. |
| D |
As a D you tend to be more experimental and willing to try new things when it comes to sex. |
| V |
As a V you tend to communicate with words instead of gestures during sex. |
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| 9 |
As for your interest in sex, your libido score is 9 on a scale of 1-10. |
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As a Chi, your sense sexuality is driven largely by the need to
understand your body as well as that of your sexual partner. Maybe you
are just naturally curious, or, possibly, you have a particular
interest in sexual experimentation. In either case, you have a
particularly high level of sexual awareness.
That is not to say that you exude sex appeal at all times.
Your sexual self-esteem doesn't always match up to your level of
experience. You may be very skilled in the bedroom, but some Chis
haven't processed the notion fully, or they choose not to wear their
skills on their sleeves. As a result, people may wrongly assume that
you're not terribly sexual.
Chis are at their best with sexual partners who will support you,
communicate openly, and help you develop a stronger confidence in your
sexual skills. When you increase your sexual confidence, don't be
surprised if people start seeing you as a more overtly sexual person.
Remember that you've got a lifetime of sexual experiences ahead of you,
so you're not expected to know it all, all at once.
Unlike many people, who rely on the same patterns in the bedroom, your
open-mindedness and sense of curiosity can help ensure that your sexual
experiences are always fresh and unpredictable.
You're
happier to keep you sexuality to yourself — there's not need to flaunt
it for all to see. It's why new acquaintances often find themselves
drawn first to your intellect or sense of humor. While your other
traits might be more accessible at first, however, what others are
likely to remember about you later is your earthy, sensuous allure.
Indeed, your understated, attractive nature has a way of haunting
people long after you've left the room. And because your sexiness works
its magic more slowly, you often make a far more lasting and powerful
impression than people who walk into a room screaming sex.
You are very aware of your strengths as a sexual partner. You probably
aren't afraid to ask for exactly what you want, and you probably don't
hesitate to try new things that you believe will satisfy your partner.
Since you are relatively free from the anxiety and worry that can
sometimes interfere with an amazing sexual experience, you are more
likely than most to explore what you might like, and just as
importantly, what your partner might like. With your degree of
self-assurance, you make a strong, exciting lover, one greatly
appreciated by those you choose to share yourself with.
You've
thoroughly explored those things that make you tingle with pleasure,
and you probably aren't afraid to find out more. You're truly in tune
with your sexual side, and chances are you aren't afraid of your body
or, frankly, much else in life. Whether you are out there exploring new
opportunities, or living contentedly knowing that you've already
mastered what gets your motor running, you are far more aware of your
own needs and desires than most people. And more than most people, you
know just how to satisfy those needs and desires.
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The first element of your sexual personality is your sexual persona.
Your sexual persona is determined by three elements, your sex appeal,
sexual awareness, and sexual confidence. Your sex appeal is an estimate
of how other people perceive you to be sexually — what they think it
might be like to be with you sexually. Your sexual awareness represents
how conscious you are of your sexual needs, likes and desires. Your
sexual confidence is all about how confident you feel when you're in a
sexual relationship with someone else and more specifically, how sure
you are of yourself when you're engaged in a sexual act with your
sexual partner. It is, overall, a measure of your internal security
when it comes to your own sexuality.
What's interesting is that these three elements — sex appeal,
sexual awareness and sexual confidence — are independent of one
another. You could find someone who has the highest sex appeal around;
a person who everyone agrees radiates sexiness. Yet, this person could
easily have a low sexual confidence, while at the same time,
demonstrating a moderate level of sexual awareness. It is the varying
degrees of scores on these sexual scales that determine your specific
sexual persona out of the twelve predetermined sexual personas.
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Sex between lovers varies substantially. That's the norm, not the
exception. Here's a little secret: No one has sublime sex every time.
There are no strategies for having perfect sex that have been hidden
from you.
Sex can be mind-blowing, but not every time. Learn to
be realistic in your expectations and realize that sometimes, when
everything is right, sex is going to "click." Other times, it's not
that you're losing a connection or that it's a bad omen, but sex just
doesn't seem "on." But with the following report, and action items, you
can improve your sex life so that it "clicks" more often than not.
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You're an E. You are very much oriented toward strongly connecting
emotionally with your sexual partner. You are most likely to find
sexual happiness then when it is accompanied by a strong relationship
and/or a strong level of trust. Even when you don't know your partner
all that well, you may seek out or, at least, desire a closer
connection, as you find emotional distance disconcerting when it comes
to sex. None of this is to say that you aren't also drawn to the
physical aspects of sex, too; simply, you place more weight on the
emotional connection than the physical one.
Sex has a very emotional impact on you. Even though its effect can vary
significantly depending on who you're with, connecting with someone on
an emotional level is an essential element of sex for you. Of course
you can live without an emotional connection and you can have sex
without an emotional connection, but if you do, you will probably feel
there is something missing.
The connection you feel between sex and your emotional
connection to your lover works the other way as well. Sex has a
powerful influence on your perspectives beyond the act itself. Sex for
you is a significant act, not just a physical release. You tend to
sleep with people you want in your life, and when you do have sex, you
prefer it to be meaningful on numerous levels.
The physical components of sex are very important to you. Sex is great,
but for you, orgasm is something you really look forward to. You're
probably disappointed if you don't climax — which makes the physical
high of sex an integral part of the experience for you. Unfortunately,
you can't guarantee the dizzying highs that having sex can produce.
It's possible that sometimes you just think about it too much, which
distracts your body from the task at hand. It's also possible that
under certain circumstances, like being in a new environment or with a
new lover, you have a hard time getting your usual hot button to work
the right way. The best way to make sure your future sexual experiences
are the best they can be, try to pay more attention to the details that
do make the sexual experience click for you. Pursue them more
aggressively when need be. It is the best path to ensuring the maximum
in physical pleasure that is possible for you.
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In general, the Emotional/ Physical Scale (E/P) describes the degree to
which emotional closeness or pure physical enjoyment is most important
to you during sex. Some people are more oriented towards the emotional
connection made between two people during an intimate moment. Other
people thrive on the physical rush of sex. And still others, find both
elements are equally important. For this reason, you can have an
overall result that leans just slightly more towards the emotional, or
E side of the scale, or a result that leans just slightly towards the
physical, or P side of the scale.
Thus your overall result will tell you more explicitly, how you balance
these two factors when you're dealing with sexual encounters. For
example, someone who scores an E+ feels much more strongly about the
emotional connection during sex. Someone who scores an E- feels just
slightly more strongly about the emotional connections than they do
about the physical connections. Someone who scores a P- feels just
slightly more strongly about the physical over the emotional, and so
on.
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Regardless of whether you have a more emotional or physical connection
during sex, one thing remains the same: all five of your senses can be
involved.
Too often, people focus on one or two of the senses. But for an
exciting change, try stimulating all five senses at once. The key here
is to excite your partner, so as you go through this exercise, focus on
what she would like, not what you would like. You'll find that by
pleasuring her, you'll get increasingly excited yourself. Sight, sound,
smell, taste, touch. Those are your categories. Now, find elements to
stimulate each of those senses.
Sight: Try wearing an outfit she's complimented you on before,
that turns her on. If it's a tux, wear a tux. If it's your faded jeans,
wear your faded jeans.
You can also awaken her sense of sight by setting the scene in one of
your rooms. Light the living room with candles. Fill the bedroom with
flowers. It's even ok to have an erotic magazine to flip through
together if you think she'd be up for it.
Sound: Turn on music she thinks is relaxing or romantic. This
setting isn't about you; it's about you reading her well enough to
heighten the sexual experience for both of you.
If she's particularly stressed, find a sound machine to play soothing
white noise or the crashing of ocean waves.
If you've got a good singing voice, now might be the time to use it. Serenade her.
Smell: Don't forget that smell is the sense many people
associate with emotionally. Smells remind people of their history and
are particularly useful ways of bringing someone back to another place
and time.
If you shared an exciting romantic trip to the Caribbean, try
filling your home with the reminiscent smells of coconut or exotic
orchids. If you want to evoke the trip to the orient, try using
aromatic oils you can find at numerous health stores or gift shops.
If she goes wild when you wear your aftershave, wear your aftershave.
Or if the aroma of a freshly baked chocolate cake will remind her of
your Sunday afternoons at the local coffee shop, bake a cake.
Taste: There are plenty of things you can do when it comes to
taste. Take for example, the joy of culinary aphrodisiacs. In addition
to oysters, people swear by chocolate, pine nuts and spicy food as
precursors to unstoppable sex drives. For a more indirect way to tease
her taste sense, you can eat a bite of her favorite chocolate cake,
then have her taste it only on your breath when you kiss her.
You can also have your partner try some of her favorite foods, eaten directly off your body.
Touch: Touch seems like a no-brainer to most people, but there are things you can do to increase the draw of touch with your partner.
Try the no-touching exercise. Kneel on two knees facing each
other. The goal of this exercise is to get as close as you can without
touching. You may be unbearably attracted to each other, wanting to
move in for an actual kiss, but see how long you can go without
touching at all. The sexual tension that builds can lead to a powerful
sexual experience.
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You're a T-. You appreciate the visual aspect of your sexual
experiences, but displaying and being shown physical affection is a
slightly more compelling part of the experience for you. Indeed, while
when it comes to the balance of the physical closeness versus looking
and admiring your partner from a bit of a distance, you tend more
strongly to be a toucher than a watcher. It can cause confusion
sometimes, with you drawn to and away from your sexual partner
simultaneously in some instances. When in doubt, however, you tend to
move in closer rather than sit back to enjoy the show.
Physical caressing makes you swoon, and you often view a warm, soft
touch as more erotic than any sexual gesture. It's because you are
highly touch-oriented. Lucky you. You are able to reap the benefits of
having high skin sensitivity without being sensitive to the extent that
frequent physical connections can overwhelm you. Your favorite sensory
experience? Kissing. For you, it's a big part of the sexual experience
and something you love doing with your partner nearly as much as having
sex itself. Those little things really get you going.
There's no doubt. You see the beauty in the human form. It's there for
you and you notice the physical characteristics of your sexual
partner's body. You enjoy watching them even if it means being at a
distance. But then you're probably quick to get close and be a part of
the action, too. It also depends on how emotionally connected you are
to this person, too. If you care deeply about the person, you might be
more inclined to spend more time admiring them, watching them,
appreciating their physical look and what they're doing with their
body. Everyone is different. The important thing is that you find
someone compatible with whom you can really get into what you enjoy
doing.
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In general, the Touch/Look (T/L) scale describes the degree to which
you like to touch your sexual partner, or be touched by them as well as
how much you enjoy admiring your partner, or watching them during sex.
Some people are strongly oriented towards the sensations of touch. They
find the physical sensations particularly erotic. Other people feel
more strongly about watching themselves and their partners while having
sex. For them, the visual cues and aspects of sex are the most erotic.
And for other people, both aspects of sex are equally important.
For this reason, you can have an overall result that leans just
slightly towards the touch, or T side of the scale, or a result that
leans just slightly towards the look, or L, side of the scale.
Thus your overall result will tell you more explicitly, how you balance
these two factors when you're dealing with sexual encounters. For
example, someone who scores a T+ feels much more strongly about the
touch connection during sex. Someone who scores a T- feels just
slightly more strongly about the touch sensations than they do about
the looking connection. Someone who scores an L- feels just slightly
more strongly about the looking element over the touching element of
sex, and so on.
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Many sexual couples have showered together. But if you pay particular
attention to the nuances of being in the shower together, you'll enjoy
the experience even more. Here's why.
- Water adds sensation. Couple that with the sensation you already
have being with your partner, and you'll find yourself aroused in a
more heightened state. The water of the shower and soap also add a
slippery element you might not be accustomed to when your partner rubs
her body against yours.
- Standing up in the shower, you are also exposed to a maximum
of your partner's skin, something you can't always get in other
positions or embraces.
- A warm shower is automatically relaxing and will make it
easier for you to wipe the day's worries from your mind, and hence,
focus more on the sexual feelings at hand.
Exercise:
Keeping all these elements in mind, try
taking turns washing your partner and having her wash you. This
exercise has less to do with a cleaning routine, and more about
allowing you and your partner to luxuriate in sensual touch. The
combination of the water and your hands and body against hers, can be
an enormous turn on.
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You're a D+. You are willing to try anything, and you have a strong
sense of adventure when it comes to romping around in the sack, or
wherever it happens to be that you do your wild thing. You might even
have shocked a few of your sexual partners in the past — although
knowing you, you're less likely to worry about that sort of thing and
more likely to feel proud of your avant-garde approach to sex. Every
once in a while, you may experience a twinge of doubt over whether or
not your sexual partner will think you're too willing to go to the edge
in order to obtain a sexual high. Just keep reminding yourself that
everyone is different, and sex is never about being right or wrong.
It's about mutual gratification and satisfaction. As long as you're in
line with those objectives, you're on the right track and have nothing
to question.
You're a little daredevil when it comes to sex. You are very willing to
take risks, both emotionally and physically, while having the good
sense not to gamble with your health. Indeed, unsafe sex is a no-no in
your book. That isn't to say that you need unconventional sex in order
to really enjoy the act; in fact, you aren't averse to routine
lovemaking now and again. Still, you aren't apt to consider a lot of
experimentation as strange or unacceptable. You're happy to initiate
new moves. You're also happy when your sexual partners get adventurous.
You've experienced the pleasures that can be derived by getting
imaginative.
You are happily uninhibited about your sexuality, and you seldom shy
away from expressing your sexual interests, desires, or history from
those who want to hear you tell about these things. For you, sex is a
beautiful, fun, natural part of being human, and you don't have time
for people who judge immodesty as crude. If they misunderstand your
openness, so be it. You don't judge others and you don't expect to be
judged. In your view, being uninhibited is the healthiest, happiest way
to go through life.
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In general, the Daring/Modest (D/M) scale describes the degree to which
you are willing to try new things sexually, and the degree to which you
prefer to be modest and discreet. To understand your score, you also
need to know that daringness and modesty are equally acceptable. One
score on this scale is no better than another score. The important
thing to remember is to learn more about yourself so you can take this
knowledge and enhance your sexual relationships — current or future.
For some people daringness is critical. For others, modesty is more
important. And for others still, there are equally important.
For this reason, you can have an overall result that leans just
slightly more towards the daring, or D side of the scale, or a result
that leans just slightly towards the modest, or M side of the scale.
Thus your overall result will tell you more explicitly, how you balance
these two factors when you're dealing with sexual encounters. For
example, someone who scores an D+ feels much more strongly about being
daring, trying new things during sex. Someone who scores an D- feels
just slightly more strongly about the experimenting then they do about
remaining more modest and discreet. Someone who scores an M- feels just
slightly more strongly about remaining more discreet than experimenting
with more daring, unfamiliar things during sex.
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Whatever your experience level, one thing you can focus on instead of
technique, is attitude. When you display the sense that you are
comfortable with your body, are interested in an erotic experience, and
are ready to feel good and make your partner feel good, you create a
sexual aura around yourself. This doesn't mean you should take on the
attitude of Casanova or other people you perceive
to be sexy. You should still act yourself, just allow yourself to throw
your inhibitions out the window. Sex is natural. It can be serious, but
you should also be able to have fun with it.
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You're a V-. When you've got something to communicate during sex,
you're more likely to use verbal methods than other ways to communicate
something, at least when compared with other people. It is slightly
more natural (or else habitual) for you to talk through the act than it
is to show how you are feeling through gestures and other, subtler
means. Fortunately for both you and your sexual partners, you are also
strong in the area of non-verbal communication, which makes you very
flexible, and very adept at understanding others.
If you end up with someone who strongly prefers non-verbal
communications, you might have to push yourself a bit to ensure that
you understand what they are trying to communicate. Luckily, it is
often easier to learn how to read someone's body language than it is
for you to employ it. You're simply inclined to use words to get your
point or desire across. Overall, though, you fare well in most
situations, and when you're having trouble reading someone, it doesn't
take much of an adjustment to get you back on track.
Chances are that you're generally a verbally gifted individual. Because
it's perfectly natural for you to articulate your thoughts effectively,
why should it be any different when you're being sexual with someone?
For you, there are no significant blockades preventing you from
expressing yourself in as clear a way possible during sex. One word of
advice, though. Great articulation is a talent, indeed, but not
everything you say during sex may be beneficial to your partner.
Remember bringing up those concerns about your dry-cleaning? It might
have seemed innocuous enough at the time, but talking about something
unrelated to sex during the act can dampen the intensity of the
encounter. Perhaps this is the unconscious (or conscious) desired
effect. Perhaps, too, you sometimes veer off course owing to habit or
natural inclination.
Either way, being verbally oriented puts you ahead the game.
You just want to choose your material more carefully, so that when you
are communicating something about sex that your partner wouldn't want
to miss, they'll be tuned in. In other words, during sex, use those
great verbal skills to heighten yours and your partner's satisfaction,
and save the small talk for later.
Your strengths lie mostly in areas outside of non-verbal communication.
You might be good at it but you tend not to employ it in your sexual
encounters with others. Chance are that it just doesn't come naturally
to you. That's fine, too, as long as you can read others' non-verbal
communication. You want to ensure that you are conveying enough
information to your partner — in a way that's comfortable to you — so
that he or she knows what you want and like. You also want to be
certain that you are picking up enough information about your partner
so that that person's needs get met, as well.
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In general, the Verbal/Non Verbal (V/N) scale describes the degree to
which you communicate with words during sex or the degree to which you
rely on non-verbal communication.
Communication is central to finding satisfaction in your sexual
relationships with others. If you can't communicate what you need, what
you want — whether verbally, or non-verbally, you're probably not going
to get it. As of yet, there are no known methods for getting your
partner to read your mind. However, you can help them understand your
body language better, or you can learn to better communicate what you
want.
There are needs and interests that can easily go overlooked and
unspoken when you're wrapped up in the heat of the moment. Oftentimes
you won't remember to tell your partner something after the fact. And
still other times it will just seem too unnatural to bring it up again
out of context. It's easy to misread your partner during sex. All of
the physical and emotional feelings can muddle up even the clearest of
sentences which is exactly why it's even more important for you and
your partner to know how to communicate. Understanding your score on
the V/N scale should help.
Some people are much stronger verbal communicators. Others
stick with non-verbal communication, and others still, rely on both
kinds of communication equally. For this reason, you can have an
overall result that leans just slightly more towards the daring, or D
side of the scale, or a result that leans just slightly towards the
modest, or M side of the scale.
Thus your overall result will tell you more explicitly, how you balance
these two factors when you're dealing with sexual encounters. For
example, someone who scores a V+ is much more of a verbal communicator.
Someone who scores a V- minus tends to communicate verbally just
slightly more than non-verbally. Someone who scores an N- uses just
slightly more non-verbal communication than verbal communication during
sex.
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The caress is probably one of the best ways to rev up your sex life.
And the benefit is that these exercises work for people both trying to
improve their non-verbal and verbal communication.
Exercise:
Lie down and relax. Start touching yourself lightly on the face, neck,
and arms. Move your fingers across your body as slowly as you can stand
and with the lightest touch you can master. Then move down to your
stomach, trunk and legs. Focus on the sensations, then vary the speed
with which you move, and the pressure you apply to your body. That will
allow you to know how you like to be touched.
Next, try out your favorite touch on your partner. See if she likes the
same speed and pressure as you do. Have her show you what she likes on
her body, and then have her touch you in that way on your body. Or,
have her tell you exactly what she likes and see if you can replicate
it. That will help you understand each other's communication during
sex.
You'll find that by identifying each other's most stimulating
caresses, you will increase the pleasure of your foreplay and
ultimately, your sex.
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You're a
9. You've got a roaring libido. You aren't apologetic about thinking
about it lots, having it more often, and enjoying longer lovemaking
sessions more than the next guy, either. In all likelihood, you started
exploring your sexuality earlier in life than your peers and you've
remained more sexually active since. You may even masturbate with
greater frequency than do most people. And there's nothing wrong with
that. You probably enjoy more gratifying sexual experiences than do
most, too, thanks to that hearty drive.
Your
roaring libido can be great; it can also make life a little
stimulus-filled. Fact is, whether or not you give it much thought, you
find yourself attracted to lots of people. While others are wondering
about what they are going to prepare for dinner, you're typically
thinking instead of what's on the menu after dinner.
Generally, your healthy sexual appetite makes you more apt to fall into
more casual sexual relationships than some other folks. That
inclination in no way means that you would be less loyal than the
average person if in a committed relationship, but it does mean that
you might have to put in a bit more of an effort than most. Simply,
life is just more sexually charged for you. There are more internal
sexual reactions taking place whether you welcome them or not. And it
can be very tempting to release some of that sexual intensity around
someone who is interested and willing. Whether you decide to act on
those impulses is strictly a personal thing. As in everything, do what
seems right to you and feels most appropriate in the greater context of
your life.
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Libido:
the psychic and emotional energy associated with instinctual biological
drives; sexual desire; manifestation of the sexual drive.
The term libido has come a long way since it was first
introduce by the psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud. But for all intents and
purposes, the word now means your general interest level in sex. When
Freud first started using the term, he used it to mean sexual drive, or
sexual instinct. Through his research, he found that sexual drive
followed a certain pattern — a gradual buildup of intensity, followed
by release, and a decrease in excitement. He also realized that sex was
not the only human function that yielded this pattern. Eating, drinking
and urination also shared these traits. As a result, he considered
these activities sexual as well, because they followed the pattern of
libido.
Freud, studied as he was, was still questioned by colleagues.
Many of them felt he put too much emphasis on the biological influences
on humans' sex behavior, and too little emphasis on the external
cultural and social morals that impacted how an individual was
socialized into sex and taught to view sex. It was that socialization,
scientists said, that truly shaped one's sexual behavior and these
factors were so strong they should not be ignored. They felt that there
is an undeniable link between sex drive and biology, rooted in our need
to keep producing our species. They also felt, however, that in
addition to our biological need for sex, the societal and cultural
environments in which we live truly shape our drive towards sex.
This test assesses your libido score by asking about several different
aspects of sexual drive. How often do you think about sex? How deeply
do you think about it? Does it take over your thoughts when you have
other things to do? We measure your urge to have sex, how long you want
to be engaged in sex when you do have it. We also associate how easy it
is to turn you on with libido. These are the kinds of factor that are
analyzed to come up with your overall libido score, which ranges from
1-10.
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Another key to fantastic sex, is to be relaxed. That's perhaps one of
the most overlooked and undervalued components to a fantastic sex life.
Your life may be hectic, and busy, but with the following insights,
you'll be able to relax yourself, which will allow you to prep yourself
for terrific sex.
Relaxation is the most critical element to sexual arousal. Try these exercises to get you there.
Slow down. The first step to relaxing yourself is to slow down your
breathing. Lie down, close your eyes, and take 10 deep breaths in
through your nose, hold them for a couple of seconds, and exhale
slowly. You'll find that your body will start to relax as you focus on
this breathing, and your heart rate will slow down.
Once you've slowed your body down, you're ready to start a
caressing exercise. By lightly touching yourself or your partner, you
awaken your sexual side while maintaining your relaxed state. Think
about how a massage relaxes you. These gentle whispering caresses do
the same, but with the added benefit of feeling slightly sexual as
well.
Remember to breathe. In the midst of all the sexual charges, and in
anticipation of the ultimate muscle-clenching finale of sex, many
people don't realize the importance of breathing. Breathing can
actually enhance your sexual experience. Instead of holding your breath
during moments of heightened sexual sensations, remember to breath in
and out continuously. Do not pause between your inhale and exhale.
Think of them as one continuous cycle. Then you can pause between
breaths.
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When it comes to having sex, you don't crave it blindly but, rather,
you're most moved by the emotional connection that you have with your
partner. That is not to say that you aren't also just generally into
sex. On the contrary, you think about it a lot and you're highly
sexually reactive, which makes you driven to have sex more frequently
than most people.
Nevertheless, to increase your enjoyment of sex and satisfy
that healthy libido at once, casual encounters aren't usually the
solution for you. Only when you aren't in a relationship with someone
that is both sexually and emotionally strong might you be tempted by
casual encounters. (Even still, those encounters might leave you
feeling empty afterward.) Also, because real passion is an important
element of satisfying sex in your life, you may feel a little
discontented on the heels of sexual encounters with lovers that you
don't feel strongly about. To maximize your happiness, you're best bet
is to find a sexual partner who has a libido that is on par with yours
and to whom you feel a deep, emotional connection.
Having compatible communication styles during sex is very important.
However, you don't have to share the same communication style in order
to derive full pleasure from sex together. It's far more important that
you be receptive to reading the other person. You, for example, happen
to communicate verbally with your partner during sex. If he or she is
verbally oriented, too, then you're set. The problem: most people
aren't as strong verbally as are you, which means you may need to
sharpen your non-verbal interpretation skills. Think of it as a second
language. Your only other option is to find someone who, like you,
communicates with words.
Speaking of picking partners, your ideal mate is someone who
is affectionate, like you. How affectionate depends on what your needs
are. Ask yourself what your needs are. Is affection something you need
throughout sex, from foreplay to orgasm, or can you do without at
certain stages? Is it more important for you to be affectionate to your
partner, or for them to show you affection? Possibly both are important
to you. By determining the levels of affection you need, you can pick a
better partner or, alternatively, train your current partner to meet
your needs. For some people who are affectionate, it is enough for
their partner to be a passive recipient; others require more than that.
Whatever you determine, by learning to communicate well, and heeding
your need for affection, you'll have gone a long way in ensuring that
you and your partner speak the same sexual language.
Your sex appeal is elegantly muted. While people may find you very
attractive, they don't notice you for your provocative dress, or
because of the sexual terms you employ when talking, or because you
sashay dramatically across a room, as do some people. After all, you're
a subtle person; you don't like attracting undue attention to yourself.
That said, people who know you well might see you more as a
sexual beast than do strangers who have only your clothing, language,
and overall attitude on which to go by. Your intimates and friends may
think of you differently depending on how you approach sex and whether
or not you've discussed it in their presence. The mere mention of sex
can often activate the imagination of others.
If you should want to project more sex appeal to outside
observers, that can be easily remedied, too. Simply having sex on the
brain often changes how you act in subtle ways, ways that others can
sense. Showing more skin helps, too.
The fact is, sex appeal has loads to do with how others perceive you,
but you can willfully change that perception. In the end, it's up to
you to choose what others can see.
Soon, you will find yourself in more optimal sexual scenarios. All you
need is for your emotional and physical intensity to come together in a
new way, allowing you to experience a kind of exhilaration you haven't
known before. Indeed, once the two distinct sides of your sexuality —
physical desire and emotional connectedness — get better synchronized,
you are sure to experience some eye-opening moments. As long as you
stay true to yourself and your sexual partner the best sexual
relationship of your life is in your grasp. Now that you know your
sexual personality, there's nothing in your way. |
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Sex. You see it everywhere you go. From sex ed in high schools, to
celebrated media sexperts, to advertisements for perfume, HBO's Sex and
the City and the little medical wonder known as Viagra, sex is on the
mind! Nothing perhaps, is more universal. No matter how personal the
topic may be to you, the ever-present — and sometimes overly-explicit —
idea of sex is every direction we turn. But why?
As long as there has been life, there has been the drive for
sex. And in fact for some, the question, "which came first, sex or
life?" isn't an obvious answer.
In the beginning, the drive for sex did not always come from pure
desire. In many cultures dating back to the Ancients, one's social
standing and position in life predetermined with whom and if, you were
to have sex. In ancient Athens, men viewed women as either a breeder or
worker. And these folks weren't shy about their sexualities, either.
Art and antiques from classical times show us that Greeks openly
celebrated the image of the aroused penis.
It was Roman physician Galen who concluded that both the females and
males required sexual pleasure, excitement, and climatic orgasm in
order to generate the heat that produced new life. Thank goodness for
scientific advances. What followed, however, was the Victorian view
that a passionless wife or mother was all you needed for reproduction.
Freud and those who studied his work were integral in bridging the
rigid Victorian model of sexuality to a more social model. Sex was
absolutely rooted in nature, in biology, but how we used it in our
lives was more conditioned by our social and cultural environment.
Then, in the 1960s, we saw yet another revolution. No longer was sex a
private affair between two people. The drive for sex is so alluring, is
so undeniably powerful, people realized they could harness its message.
Sexuality became commercial. It emerged politically as an axis for many
social movements promoting the acceptance of women's reproductive
choices and sexual expression, as well as the relaxation of censorship
laws.
Today we can see sex all around us — housed in museums, prostituted
legally on the streets of Vegas, explained through therapeutic radio
shows, and broadcasted as streaming media on the Internet.
Who hasn't heard of Dr. Ruth, America's Leading Sex Therapist? With her
nationally and internationally syndicated radio and TV programs,
"Sexually Speaking" and "The Dr. Ruth Show," she has certainly made her
modern views known. She is a pioneer in spreading what she labeled
"sexual literacy." And what about all the other talk shows? From Oprah
to Howard Stearn, sex is now an acceptable subject to talk about not
only openly, but on the air.
The
Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction is a
renowned institution that can be traced back to 1938. In preparing for
a new women's course about marriage and its contemplation at Indiana
University, zoologist Dr. Alfred C. Kinsey discovered that scientific
data on human sexual behavior was sparse. He began collecting his own
data, eventually resulting in more than 18,000 sexual histories based
on intimate, face-to-face interviews. His research covers sex in a
fairly comprehensive manner, looking at issues surrounding erogenous
zones, bisexuality, extramarital sex, fantasy, foreplay, homosexuality,
masturbation, nudity, peak performance/maximum sexual activity, oral
sex, orgasm, premarital sex, sex with prostitutes, and even
sadomasochism.
Many organizations exist today that cater to modern sexuality issues of
abuse, dysfunction, therapy, public health, social problems, and more.
The research at educational institutions like The Kinsey Institute help
to provide credible background information and research to progress in
today's society.
There's plenty of evidence linking sex to biology and sex to certain
cultural norms. But have you ever taken a test that took all of this
into account to bring you a useful way to discuss sex and how it
relates specifically to you? Emode's Sexual Personality Test assesses
your sexual behavior on 7 different scales. It will help give you a
better understanding of your sexual personality — a part of you that's
just as important as your personality as you go through life. Knowing
more about your sexual persona will make you happier, and healthier.
This test will show you your sexual strengths and will offer advice for
making them even stronger. Join the millions of Emode members who have
already benefited from this |
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